It begins as a thought. A sarcastic musing when I read an email or a mean spirited brood over a status on Facebook. An uncharitable opinion, a negative view, a snarky jab. This isn’t who I am but this is exactly who I am when I don’t pay attention to what I’m doing.
It’s embarrassing to catch myself having these thoughts. They say that I think you are not good enough, smart enough, worthy enough. You are not enough. And if you follow the rule of ‘you spot it, you got it’, then I am not enough.
I tell myself that these are just thoughts. Harmless thoughts that go through my mind as I see something. But they feed off each other and it doesn’t take long for these thoughts to grow into actions. A snap at my kids when they ask for my time, an eye roll at my husband when he speaks, a curse word at the driver in front of me.
Just minor behavior at this point. Nothing has escalated but there’s still time. Time for more negative thoughts, petty opinions, graceless assumptions.
It’s a rotten day, I’m in a bad mood, these kids are driving me crazy, who do these people think they are…
I drop a glass, yell at the dog, make my daughter cry, burn dinner…
These are no longer just thoughts. They are what I’ve become.
An entire life can be built around these thoughts. We all know a Negative Ned, a Debbie Downer, a Prophet of Doom.
Did you ever consider how it all begins? It begins as a thought.
My blogging bestie Michelle at Lipstick and Laundry is guest posting today at Coach Daddy and their collaboration made me realize that I haven’t posted a quickie in awhile. Head over to see what they have to say about blogging!